Sometimes pat answers don't work.

Hello again.

For those of us who have experienced huge losses, pat answers don't work.  Grief is a personal matter.  With everything in me, I would have been ever so grateful to have someone give me a roadmap to say, "This is how you walk through this time.  Step 1......."  But there is no such roadmap.  There is no set of steps.  And especially, there are no pat answers that work.

I have been a Chrsitian, meaning I gave my life to Him Who Was, and Is, and Is to Come, nearly 40 years ago.  And I meant it.  I committed.  Most days over that forty years, I have spent the early morning hours reading my Bible, praying, and talking with my Jesus.  But after our girl went Home to be with Him, so unexpected, so painful, so excruciating, I had a difficult time really believing so many things I had read and believed.  It shook me to my very being, my heart and my soul.  "God is good, He loves you, He works all things together for good"- the words rang hollow in my heart.  Instead, the word "why?" repeated itself in my thoughts, my prayers, my heart, over and over again.

When we realized it was time to let her go- her pain and suffering would be over for her and how could we selfishly try to keep her here, hanging onto machines to keep her alive - we, my husband, family and closest special friends, held hands and sang Amazing Grace, surrounding her with the only thing we had to offer- to let her know we loved her enough to let her go.  Her pain was over.  Ours had just begun

We are afraid of grief.  "I don't know what to say, or do.  I'm afraid I'll say or do the wrong thing.  Maybe it's best to just avoid it altogether, so I won't do anything."  This who I was before. Grief changes you.  And some questions will never get answered this side of heaven.  But through these horrendously painful experiences in life, we come to a place of surrender.  And if we allow Him, He begins to fill those desolate places with hope.

There is more to share, but enough for now.