Hello again.
The apostle Paul tells us this: "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
(Philippians 3:13-14 ESV)
One of the most precious gifts in my life is the FREEDOM I have found in my relationship with my Jesus. He allows me to come to Him with anything, big or small, lovely or ugly, and He never, ever brings me into a place of condemnation. And because of this, I choose more and more to want to bring everything to Him, ask for His Blessing or Forgiveness, depending upon the day😁, and ask Him to help me to make what is wrong right, and to grow in what is right, in my thoughts, my choices and especially in loving others. (Admittedly I have a really long way to go!). And His patience with us is never ending.
However, having said that, He also let's me know when it is time to move on. And it is now time to move one. And I am grateful for the healing He brings, the Peace that overtakes chaos, and the Amazing Grace He gives to move forward. Throughout the painful process of grief, two of my prayers were I believe key to the healing process for me. Those prayers were, "Lord, please don't waste the pain; use it for good for it is far too great a price to not be of value to others." The other prayer was, "Lord, don't take me out of this process one day early, but please don't leave me here one more day than is necessary." And so the day has come. I let go of what lies behind and press on to the future He has prepared beforehand. And it will be good, because He is Good. Amen.
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Sometimes we forget the good things
Hello, everyone,
Sometimes, when we are in the midst of hardship - and let's face it, sometimes life is really, really hard - we forget about all of the Blessings in our lives, or at least I did. When the pain screams louder than anything else, it drowns out the many, many good things in life.
While I was mourning the passing of our girl, many other things were taking place. My dearest, forever friends would call and just "sit" with me. They would let me weep, or wail, or be angry, never judging or rushing me onto the next steps because it was uncomfortable for them, even though they had lots going on in their own lives.
My best friend, the Captain, my husband and soul mate, picked up a lot of the pieces of our lives as we tried to reconstruct it, dealing with his own pain along the way. He never complained, he just did what he does so well - he loved me and maintained his "steady as we go" attitude.
As I reflect on this time in our lives (thanks by the way for listening, as this is healing for me to share it with you), I can see more clearly now. As my heart cried out, "Abba Father, where are you?" I see He was there all along, in the faces of precious friends loving us back to health, and in the outpouring of love in the cards and calls we received, and in the manager and team I worked with at the time, who picked up all of the things I was incapable of doing for weeks, and told me to take the time we needed, because they were taking care of everything.
And so today, as I look in retrospect, I hear His still, small voice telling me again, "I will never leave you nor forsake you, even until the end of the age." And He didn't. And I am thankful once again for so many Blessings He has brought into our lives, including you, my friends. Thanks for listening.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
The next steps.
And so we continue to walk the path no one ever wants to go.
We avoid grief. We run from it. We hope it doesn't knock on our door. But it does. Every man is appointed a day to leave this world, and hopefully, to cross over to Heaven.
As I have said, grief is a personal experience. There is no badge of honor because you conducted yourself in such and such a manner. It does not diminish your walk with the Lord, if you know Him, because you have questions, or that you have so much anger that you don't know what to do with it, or that you fall crumpled to the floor, or need to pull off the road because you are having a panic attack, and wondering where in the world you can put your pain.
Grief is messy, and as we walk through this time together, I would ask you for grace when you read these entries, as they will likely not be laid out in a nice orderly fashion. Over time, we experience many emotions: hurt, anger, denial, depression, and acceptance, but they are not sequential. Any of them can crop up at any given time, and usually in a very unexpected way. Sometimes they come in waves, taking your breath away, and at other times, there are large stretches of time that you almost forget.
Remember when I said that, how you walk through your pain does not diminish your walk with the Lord? It really doesn't. Because He is Bigger than your pain, He is Bigger than your grief, and His shoulders are more than big enough to carry your burdens, even if you cannot see Him, or feel Him, or hear Him (this was a surprise to me, as I expected that He would speak softly to my heart, but the thing is, He didn't- He waits because the pain at the time screams louder than our ability to hear Him). And then we gain yet another nugget of Truth - it was never about my ability to carry myself, or work it out by myself, or conduct myself in a manner worthy of His calling. It has been totally about His ability to protect me, to love me, and to keep me. Because you see, at the end of the day, even in my darkest hours, He really is The Keeper of My Heart.
We avoid grief. We run from it. We hope it doesn't knock on our door. But it does. Every man is appointed a day to leave this world, and hopefully, to cross over to Heaven.
As I have said, grief is a personal experience. There is no badge of honor because you conducted yourself in such and such a manner. It does not diminish your walk with the Lord, if you know Him, because you have questions, or that you have so much anger that you don't know what to do with it, or that you fall crumpled to the floor, or need to pull off the road because you are having a panic attack, and wondering where in the world you can put your pain.
Grief is messy, and as we walk through this time together, I would ask you for grace when you read these entries, as they will likely not be laid out in a nice orderly fashion. Over time, we experience many emotions: hurt, anger, denial, depression, and acceptance, but they are not sequential. Any of them can crop up at any given time, and usually in a very unexpected way. Sometimes they come in waves, taking your breath away, and at other times, there are large stretches of time that you almost forget.
Remember when I said that, how you walk through your pain does not diminish your walk with the Lord? It really doesn't. Because He is Bigger than your pain, He is Bigger than your grief, and His shoulders are more than big enough to carry your burdens, even if you cannot see Him, or feel Him, or hear Him (this was a surprise to me, as I expected that He would speak softly to my heart, but the thing is, He didn't- He waits because the pain at the time screams louder than our ability to hear Him). And then we gain yet another nugget of Truth - it was never about my ability to carry myself, or work it out by myself, or conduct myself in a manner worthy of His calling. It has been totally about His ability to protect me, to love me, and to keep me. Because you see, at the end of the day, even in my darkest hours, He really is The Keeper of My Heart.
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Sometimes pat answers don't work.
Hello again.
For those of us who have experienced huge losses, pat answers don't work. Grief is a personal matter. With everything in me, I would have been ever so grateful to have someone give me a roadmap to say, "This is how you walk through this time. Step 1......." But there is no such roadmap. There is no set of steps. And especially, there are no pat answers that work.
I have been a Chrsitian, meaning I gave my life to Him Who Was, and Is, and Is to Come, nearly 40 years ago. And I meant it. I committed. Most days over that forty years, I have spent the early morning hours reading my Bible, praying, and talking with my Jesus. But after our girl went Home to be with Him, so unexpected, so painful, so excruciating, I had a difficult time really believing so many things I had read and believed. It shook me to my very being, my heart and my soul. "God is good, He loves you, He works all things together for good"- the words rang hollow in my heart. Instead, the word "why?" repeated itself in my thoughts, my prayers, my heart, over and over again.
When we realized it was time to let her go- her pain and suffering would be over for her and how could we selfishly try to keep her here, hanging onto machines to keep her alive - we, my husband, family and closest special friends, held hands and sang Amazing Grace, surrounding her with the only thing we had to offer- to let her know we loved her enough to let her go. Her pain was over. Ours had just begun
We are afraid of grief. "I don't know what to say, or do. I'm afraid I'll say or do the wrong thing. Maybe it's best to just avoid it altogether, so I won't do anything." This who I was before. Grief changes you. And some questions will never get answered this side of heaven. But through these horrendously painful experiences in life, we come to a place of surrender. And if we allow Him, He begins to fill those desolate places with hope.
There is more to share, but enough for now.
For those of us who have experienced huge losses, pat answers don't work. Grief is a personal matter. With everything in me, I would have been ever so grateful to have someone give me a roadmap to say, "This is how you walk through this time. Step 1......." But there is no such roadmap. There is no set of steps. And especially, there are no pat answers that work.
I have been a Chrsitian, meaning I gave my life to Him Who Was, and Is, and Is to Come, nearly 40 years ago. And I meant it. I committed. Most days over that forty years, I have spent the early morning hours reading my Bible, praying, and talking with my Jesus. But after our girl went Home to be with Him, so unexpected, so painful, so excruciating, I had a difficult time really believing so many things I had read and believed. It shook me to my very being, my heart and my soul. "God is good, He loves you, He works all things together for good"- the words rang hollow in my heart. Instead, the word "why?" repeated itself in my thoughts, my prayers, my heart, over and over again.
When we realized it was time to let her go- her pain and suffering would be over for her and how could we selfishly try to keep her here, hanging onto machines to keep her alive - we, my husband, family and closest special friends, held hands and sang Amazing Grace, surrounding her with the only thing we had to offer- to let her know we loved her enough to let her go. Her pain was over. Ours had just begun
We are afraid of grief. "I don't know what to say, or do. I'm afraid I'll say or do the wrong thing. Maybe it's best to just avoid it altogether, so I won't do anything." This who I was before. Grief changes you. And some questions will never get answered this side of heaven. But through these horrendously painful experiences in life, we come to a place of surrender. And if we allow Him, He begins to fill those desolate places with hope.
There is more to share, but enough for now.
Friday, October 14, 2016
But all is not sweetness and light....
Hello, friends.
Most of my writings are meant to be encouraging thoughts around the little, but oftentimes missed, blessings of each day. They are light hearted, and that is intentional. Who wants to read about the downers of life? But there IS that other side of life. The pain-filled side, the devastated-to-my-very-being side. And that very real side of life is what I'd like to share over the next several days.
There is nothing that will tear your heart apart, bring you to a point of raw emotion and pain, like the loss of a loved one. Experts say that there is nothing more painful than the loss of a child. The experts are right. There is no preparation, no provision, and no knowledge, to make you ready for the loss. If there were, the Lord knows, I would have done it.
It's been three years since that God-awful day we got the call. It started out being a fun day. We were having a beach party with some of our closest friends. I was making fresh salsa, for the first time. My husband had taken the dog to the groomer. And when the phone rang, I assumed it was our friends saying they would be a little late. But that was not the case. This call was different. This was the call all parents pray they never have to answer. And this call would be the one that would change our lives forever.
Most of my writings are meant to be encouraging thoughts around the little, but oftentimes missed, blessings of each day. They are light hearted, and that is intentional. Who wants to read about the downers of life? But there IS that other side of life. The pain-filled side, the devastated-to-my-very-being side. And that very real side of life is what I'd like to share over the next several days.
There is nothing that will tear your heart apart, bring you to a point of raw emotion and pain, like the loss of a loved one. Experts say that there is nothing more painful than the loss of a child. The experts are right. There is no preparation, no provision, and no knowledge, to make you ready for the loss. If there were, the Lord knows, I would have done it.
It's been three years since that God-awful day we got the call. It started out being a fun day. We were having a beach party with some of our closest friends. I was making fresh salsa, for the first time. My husband had taken the dog to the groomer. And when the phone rang, I assumed it was our friends saying they would be a little late. But that was not the case. This call was different. This was the call all parents pray they never have to answer. And this call would be the one that would change our lives forever.
Monday, October 3, 2016
Walmart - A New Perspective
Good morning!
So today I'd like to share my thoughts on Walmart. I used to absolutely hate going to Walmart! I went with a grudge, if at all. One day, as I was having bad thoughts about my local Walmart, the Lord spoke to my heart: "Really look at the people, and what do you see?" Hmmm, I wonder what that's supposed to mean? But I did begin to really look at the people, and as my focus changed, so did my heart.
I saw a very poor woman, deathly thin, with mismatched socks and outfit, and bruises on her very skinny legs. Then I looked again, and noticed a beautiful radiance on her face as she smiled at me. And my perception changed. And I noticed the famous "Walmart Greeter," with his booming voice and cheery attitude, saying, "Welcome to Walmart! Hope you're having a great day!" And I smiled back, wishing him the same, and I meant it! Then there is the girl in the produce section, kind of scowling, ya know? But she had a beautiful face and her makeup was always perfect (if a tad too much, but nobody gets everything right😁)! And I spoke to her, and said, "I noticed how pretty you always look, and you always have your make-up on, and take such good care of yourself, it's so nice to see!" Her face lit up like a lightbulb, and she thanked me, and her countenance changed as she stacked her grapes with a little more zeal and a smile on her face. And the check-out woman, she did such a nice job of packing my things and getting me through the line quickly that I mentioned it to her, and she also smiled sheepishly. And all of this happened in just one visit.
And as the changes in the folks I met took place, my attitude began to change, also. And now, Walmart has become a place to encourage people, along with buying the things I need, and as I give out to others, so much more comes back to me. Maybe, just maybe, I will make some new friends! So here's to The People of Walmart! Thank You, Lord, for changing me......
So today I'd like to share my thoughts on Walmart. I used to absolutely hate going to Walmart! I went with a grudge, if at all. One day, as I was having bad thoughts about my local Walmart, the Lord spoke to my heart: "Really look at the people, and what do you see?" Hmmm, I wonder what that's supposed to mean? But I did begin to really look at the people, and as my focus changed, so did my heart.
I saw a very poor woman, deathly thin, with mismatched socks and outfit, and bruises on her very skinny legs. Then I looked again, and noticed a beautiful radiance on her face as she smiled at me. And my perception changed. And I noticed the famous "Walmart Greeter," with his booming voice and cheery attitude, saying, "Welcome to Walmart! Hope you're having a great day!" And I smiled back, wishing him the same, and I meant it! Then there is the girl in the produce section, kind of scowling, ya know? But she had a beautiful face and her makeup was always perfect (if a tad too much, but nobody gets everything right😁)! And I spoke to her, and said, "I noticed how pretty you always look, and you always have your make-up on, and take such good care of yourself, it's so nice to see!" Her face lit up like a lightbulb, and she thanked me, and her countenance changed as she stacked her grapes with a little more zeal and a smile on her face. And the check-out woman, she did such a nice job of packing my things and getting me through the line quickly that I mentioned it to her, and she also smiled sheepishly. And all of this happened in just one visit.
And as the changes in the folks I met took place, my attitude began to change, also. And now, Walmart has become a place to encourage people, along with buying the things I need, and as I give out to others, so much more comes back to me. Maybe, just maybe, I will make some new friends! So here's to The People of Walmart! Thank You, Lord, for changing me......
Sunday, October 2, 2016
The Little Things
Good morning!
And a beautiful morning it is. Several days of rain have washed things clean and fresh. Our beautiful, tempestuous Lake Erie is settling down after days of big waves and lovely surf. How I love sitting in my chair, looking out over the lake, and spending time with the Lord and in His Word. Soon there will be a fire in the fireplace as I sit and drink my morning coffee. But let's not rush that!
I am a dreamer and a planner. Give her a goal and watch her go! Nothing ignites me more than having a goal; I am not sure why but that's how I am wired. Sometimes I must admit I get so caught up in the going-after that I nearly leave The One Who is the Greatest Planner (who could create a universe without a plan?) behind as I rush on to-I'm not really sure where. Kind of like seeing the home you want, then building it without a blueprint. Oh foolish me!
So for now, The Great Planner has me in a period of rest. This should be good news, but for those of us "doers," it is a most uncomfortable place. The where's and why's and when's that overtake my thoughts will surely crowd out the peace and joy of this day, if I choose that path. And just think what I would miss - the lovely moments of this very day. My Daisy curled up next to me, the taste and smell of that wonderful cup of coffee that I so dearly love, the friends and family that I have the privilege of knowing and having in my life. And the love of my soulmate, who knows me and loves me just as I am. Such precious gifts, and if I don't choose well, I could miss out on all of these amazing blessings! So for today, I will follow the path that the Lord has for me. And His instruction would be, this: "I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live;”
Deuteronomy 30:19 NKJV.
And a beautiful morning it is. Several days of rain have washed things clean and fresh. Our beautiful, tempestuous Lake Erie is settling down after days of big waves and lovely surf. How I love sitting in my chair, looking out over the lake, and spending time with the Lord and in His Word. Soon there will be a fire in the fireplace as I sit and drink my morning coffee. But let's not rush that!
I am a dreamer and a planner. Give her a goal and watch her go! Nothing ignites me more than having a goal; I am not sure why but that's how I am wired. Sometimes I must admit I get so caught up in the going-after that I nearly leave The One Who is the Greatest Planner (who could create a universe without a plan?) behind as I rush on to-I'm not really sure where. Kind of like seeing the home you want, then building it without a blueprint. Oh foolish me!
So for now, The Great Planner has me in a period of rest. This should be good news, but for those of us "doers," it is a most uncomfortable place. The where's and why's and when's that overtake my thoughts will surely crowd out the peace and joy of this day, if I choose that path. And just think what I would miss - the lovely moments of this very day. My Daisy curled up next to me, the taste and smell of that wonderful cup of coffee that I so dearly love, the friends and family that I have the privilege of knowing and having in my life. And the love of my soulmate, who knows me and loves me just as I am. Such precious gifts, and if I don't choose well, I could miss out on all of these amazing blessings! So for today, I will follow the path that the Lord has for me. And His instruction would be, this: "I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live;”
Deuteronomy 30:19 NKJV.
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